There go the voices again,
One from the left,
And the retorts from the right.
Louder with each syllable,
They’re too much to bear,
Making my head spin,
Make me want to grab my hair and tear them out.
Panic and anxiety follow,
This deadly trio of torment,
It’s an every day occurrence,
These voices have been here for as long as I can remember,
One would think I ought to be used to it by now.
But I’m not,
I’m tired of being the mediator,
Why must I always bear the brunt of something I have nothing to do with?
It is getting on my nerves,
Frustration and anger,
But the inability to do anything about it,
How helpless am I?
It’s like a boy in a bubble,
I don’t understand what’s going on,
Try as hard as I can, I just can’t adapt,
Only way to cope is to zone them out,
The more older I grow,
The more indifferent I feel,
This isn’t where I belong.
But wherever I go,
These voices find their way back to me,
Trailing me like an inescapable shadow,
They pull me back in this eternal darkness,
Guilt is their weapon of choice,
I’m so caged but no one sees it.
I can’t stress enough of how tired I am,
These voices have reduced me to a nervous wreck,
Each moment of silence is something to cherish,
But it also brings along with it something more sinister,
I know things can go haywire in a flash.
The supposed voice of reason became a dark hand across my neck,
Mouth muffled up by an irrational conscience,
Why do I put myself through this?
This can’t be all there is,
I feel this chilly aura I’m being wrapped in,
Cold and full of resentment,
I’ve lost my sense of humor,
Under this overwhelming pressure,
Even the simplest of pleasures are seemingly like an unattainable treasure.
Through gritted teeth and clenched fists,
I’m forced to stick it through,
How much longer, is what I keep asking to myself,
Or will it always be this way?
The answer remains unclear,
Hazy and distorted,
Hope is the only thing I can lean on.
I’ve overstayed this toxic cocoon,
I’m too big to be held captive any longer,
Might as well get it over with and never look back,
I’ll finally be free from these repressive and enslaving voices.
But that’s only half the battle.
Much as I insist it won’t be that way,
This question still lingers in the back of my mind,
Will these voices have a lasting repercussion,
Will I finally hear past them and bury the hatchet,
To leave this all behind like I’ve always wanted to?
Or, and this is what I fear most, will they have a consequence that will continue to haunt me later?
Please, I implore to myself every night before falling asleep, please don’t let yourself become a reflection of everything you despise.