Hanging delicately by the laces tied together,
Suspended through the deceitful air,
One keeps the other from being knocked down on to the hard floor when a cruel gust of wind passes by,
Through the warm sunshine and cold rainfall,
Supporting each other,
A pair of shoes that’s out of my grasp,
They sway with the gentle breeze,
Occasionally oscillating away from one another,
Only to meet again in unison,
The absence of one would offset the other,
From dawn, all the way until dusk,
Even if everything around changes,
This pair of shoes still soars high among the clouds,
Such a magnificent sight.
Watching them from the wooden bench,
I realize I can never fully comprehend its true beauty,
In this gigantic world,
I’ve always only felt lost,
Perpetual wanderings that have left me exhausted,
The very idea of having someone to fall back on is unfathomable,
An absurd delusion that I’ve already ceased harboring,
But the lingering desire and longing still persists,
After numerous attempts at keeping myself distracted,
The what-ifs still keep feasting away at my mind,
Questions to which I have no answers, only endless possibilities.
Am I better off this way?
And if anyone does come along, why do I continue to shun them away?
Isn’t it wrong to burden someone else when I’m still a stranger to myself?
What do I want really?
Even these summers are oddly chilly,
These thoughts have been my only companion through these years.
It’s such a contrast,
My mind is always heavy and hurting,
But my heart is hollow and empty.
I know it’ll be a lie,
I know you won’t mean it,
But could you just for once say that you miss me,
That you love me the way I have always loved you.
I’m so tired of being by myself,
Even if just for a while,
I want to run away,
Into your inviting arms,
I want to lose myself in your warm embrace,
I’ve never really experienced what love feels like,
I want you to hug me even if it is just for a few seconds,
But I know that’s too much to ask for,
You probably don’t even realize how much I’m hurting,
I’ve cloaked it pretty well until now, I don’t want to any more.
But where would I even run to?
Lost amidst these warped catacombs,
I’ve never felt a sense of belonging,
Sooner or later,
I find myself alone again,
Is this all there is?
Without any purpose,
A nomad with feet bound,
I want to leave everything behind but I’ve been chained down,
But the harsh reality is,
I know there is no one expecting me on the other side of this fog,
No open arms,
No promised happy endings.
That face I’ve grown to detest,
It’s just me.
And me again.
As night falls and the park starts getting emptier,
With a deep sigh,
I get up reluctantly from that cold bench,
To go and retire into my lonely room once again.
Heavy footsteps and with leaves as dead as my soul, cracking under each step.
Nestled close against each other,
The pair of shoes still remain hanging down the branch of the old oak,
Bidding me goodbye oh-so mockingly.
Picture courtesy of a special friend left unnamed at her desire. Thank you for letting me use it and hope I could do justice to it.