Through the night,
The space on the bed beside me,
It was warm just a while ago,
But by dawn,
That warmth faded,
Vanished and in its place, a scattered blanket and a ruffled up pillow,
Only a lingering smell left behind,
It’s the same story every night.
There was a time when I’d consider this a ideal,
I’d feel like I was living the dream,
This was all I ever wanted,
I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.
But that thrill has fizzled out over the years,
Falling asleep beside a stranger almost every other night,
Only to wake up alone and by myself,
She embraced me and put me to sleep,
Only to walk out permanently without so much as a goodbye,
It feels oddly incomplete,
Just like always, I’m left alone.
Should I be complaining?
I can’t remember the last time I had an emotional connection,
A connection that went beyond just flesh.
Is it too much to ask for someone to hold on through the night?
Waking up to her raw breath in my ear,
Hearing her heartbeat and feeling her pulse,
Seeing her face first thing in the morning,
Laze around under the sheets even after the alarm’s gone off,
For someone whom I can be vulnerable with,
Someone who can make me happy not just with her body,
And someone whose name I could actually recall in the morning,
Someone who doesn’t abandon me again.
The initial enthusiasm has worn off,
Fair, dark and even brown,
Frail, delicate and plump,
Everything in between,
They’re all unique in their own ways,
They have their distinct charms,
Irresistible when we meet,
But the conclusion is always the same,
Nothing ever develops past this stage,
It’s more unsatisfying than you think,
All the intense love we’ve made,
It slipped through my fingers like sand, just like that.
Even when they do come over again later,
It’s like going round in circles,
Another night and I’m left alone again,
In an attempt to eliminate my loneliness, I only end up making it worse,
I’m all too familiar with it,
I need a break,
I’d much rather see the same face every night if it meant it’d stick around till mornings.
I’ve never experienced the concept of companionship,
When two people stay up all night,
Hands to themselves,
Just talking and vibing,
Deep, meaningful conversations,
Almost as if they’re transported together to a whole different place,
A world just for the two of them,
A realm that’s so foreign to me,
Having someone who doesn’t tire of listening to you,
And someone who is willing to lay herself bare to you in more ways than one.
How does it feel to actually have someone you can count on?
The answer still remains unclear,
Maybe it’s not meant for me to experience,
Some people are best left alone,
If I can’t love myself enough,
It’s probably absurd of me to expect someone else to,
Maybe this was destined,
That I be a lone-wolf,
But I’d be lying if I said I wish things weren’t different.