Lone-Wolf

Through the night,
The space on the bed beside me,
It was warm just a while ago,
But by dawn,
That warmth faded,
Vanished and in its place, a scattered blanket and a ruffled up pillow,
Only a lingering smell left behind,
It’s the same story every night.

There was a time when I’d consider this a ideal,
I’d feel like I was living the dream,
This was all I ever wanted,
I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.
But that thrill has fizzled out over the years,
Falling asleep beside a stranger almost every other night,
Only to wake up alone and by myself,
She embraced me and put me to sleep,
Only to walk out permanently without so much as a goodbye,
It feels oddly incomplete,
Just like always, I’m left alone.

Should I be complaining?
I can’t remember the last time I had an emotional connection,
A connection that went beyond just flesh.
Is it too much to ask for someone to hold on through the night?
Waking up to her raw breath in my ear,
Hearing her heartbeat and feeling her pulse,
Seeing her face first thing in the morning,
Laze around under the sheets even after the alarm’s gone off,
For someone whom I can be vulnerable with,
Someone who can make me happy not just with her body,
And someone whose name I could actually recall in the morning,
Someone who doesn’t abandon me again.

The initial enthusiasm has worn off,
Fair, dark and even brown,
Frail, delicate and plump,
Everything in between,
They’re all unique in their own ways,
They have their distinct charms,
Irresistible when we meet,
But the conclusion is always the same,
Meaningless.
Nothing ever develops past this stage,
It’s more unsatisfying than you think,
All the intense love we’ve made,
It slipped through my fingers like sand, just like that.

Even when they do come over again later,
It’s like going round in circles,
Another night and I’m left alone again,
In an attempt to eliminate my loneliness, I only end up making it worse,
I’m all too familiar with it,
I need a break,
I’d much rather see the same face every night if it meant it’d stick around till mornings.

I’ve never experienced the concept of companionship,
When two people stay up all night,
Hands to themselves,
Just talking and vibing,
Deep, meaningful conversations,
Almost as if they’re transported together to a whole different place,
A world just for the two of them,
A realm that’s so foreign to me,
Having someone who doesn’t tire of listening to you,
And someone who is willing to lay herself bare to you in more ways than one.
How does it feel to actually have someone you can count on?

The answer still remains unclear,
Maybe it’s not meant for me to experience,
Some people are best left alone,
If I can’t love myself enough,
It’s probably absurd of me to expect someone else to,
Maybe this was destined,
That I be a lone-wolf,
But I’d be lying if I said I wish things weren’t different.

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18 thoughts on “Lone-Wolf

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  1. This makes me so sad, yet so glad for what I have got, and wish you had it too. Unless of course the poem is not referring to yourself, in which case I wish this person had it too.

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      1. I understand Sulaiman. I am so sorry that it is you who feels this way. It is a horrible way to feel. Love is all, and that is what is missing – this is what I gathered from your poem. The feason that you have not had so many comments from me is that I find great difficulty in going round other people’s Blogs because of my blindness, plus I have been ill. But I just noticed in my emails that you had posted, so came specially because it was you. I don’t always notice things in my emails because of my blindness, but did suddenly see yours. I will try and come more often. You ask how I am, and things have been bad for me recently. But I hope it will improve, though my disease is progressive. How are YOU?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I really appreciate your empathy, you are a sweet soul ❤.
        And as for your comments, that’s completely alright, Lorraine. I wasn’t trying to guilt trip you haha. I do understand it is difficult reading keeping updated with so many different blogs. I was pretty busy with my exams just until last week too so I can relate haha. I just really want you to take care of yourself. Take it easy and don’t stress a lot.
        I’m fine too. The last week was really weird but sometimes these ups and downs come and go, don’t they? Thanks for asking. Have a great weekend, I’ll be praying for you to make a complete recovery, or for the pain to least subside. Wishing absolutely nothing but the best for you ❤❤.

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  2. The honesty expressed in this poem is the truth of beauty and love. Better to be longingly lonesome, rather than bitterly coupled; it is preferable to be with with someone you truly want, and not just someone to fill that hole by playing a role.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes but at times when you’re blinded by the intense loneliness, you often tend to seek refuge in the nearest pair of hands without realizing that person is bad for you. Reasoning goes out the window.
      And needless to say, such scenarios end in disaster for both parties involved. It’s sad but at least you learn a lesson from it haha.
      Thank you for reading and for your lovely words as usual, Kalliope ❤❤.

      Liked by 1 person

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