After You…

This regret,
Has chased me around,
For long enough,
Like a shadow,
It’s vicious fingers,
Tightening their grip around my neck.
It’s left me exhausted,
And oh so depressed.

I didn’t realize it’d be this way,
I thought I could be strong,
But I’m sorry,
This pain has left me completely drained.
So tired,
Of these same thoughts,
Every single night,
The same montage that is responsible,
Your smile remains as painful as ever,
The same events play out in my mind,
Projected by the perpetual darkness,
For hundreds of sleepless nights.

I chased shadows all this while,
I keep coming to face with that same brickwall,
Unsurmountable as ever,
And feeling as miserable as I am,
But I’m going to draw the line tonight,
I realize,
That it won’t be easy,
But at least I’ve got to try,
Clinging on to the past now is futile.

I know I’ve lost you,
And that,
You’ll never come back.
I realize now,
That it was just wishful thinking on my part,
But sooner or later,
One must come to grips with reality,
No matter how harsh,
Or unbearable.

I’ve beat myself up enough,
There isn’t anything more I can possibly do,
And while I realize,
That you were the best thing to happen to me,
I also know,
That that chapter is now closed,
You no longer look at me that way,
And I’m not pointing fingers,
Maybe I’d have done the same as you,
Had I been in your shoes.

And I hope you realize,
You’ll always have a special place in my heart,
That will never change,
I still deeply appreciate the times we spent together,
And while I was convinced you’d be my last,
Who knew fate would have a different story for us altogether?

Despite how our relationship went sour,
I hope that the next time we meet,
Somewhere in the distant future,
We’ll be able,
To smile from a distance,
Rather than walking away,
Pretending we didn’t see one another.
The day when I see you again,
I hope I’ll rid me,
Of this longing,
That eats at me every single day.

For now though,
As difficult as it sounds,
I’m going to try and get back on my feet,
When you left me,
I hit rock bottom,
Ever since,
Despair was all that I felt,
And like a lost puppy,
I yearned for at least one glimpse,
Of the face I loved so much.
I dried my eyes out each night,
And I resented you,
Almost as much as I hated myself.

But I realize I can’t go on this way,
I’m going to start over,
Even if it means embracing loneliness again,
It’s not too unfamiliar to me anyway.
I’m going to start over,
With the lessons you’ve given me,
It’ll take me a long time,
But I’m going to get my life back together again,
The life,
That I didn’t know,
Would be without you.

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