Silent Plea

Round and round,
At a dizzying pace,
My world keeps spinning,
Going around on this carousel of despair,
And it’s another night,
Where I keep spiraling,
Down into the pits of sorrow,
Drowning in a familiar loneliness,
A wave of lethargy that crashes into me,
Bit by bit,
Things lose their charm,
It’s all dull and mundane,
My world tarnished by a tar-like grey,

I’m always rooted in the same spot,
I don’t think I can overcome this plight,
It’s so much more difficult when,
Deep inside,
Rather than putting up a fight,
I want to give up and just rest,
There doesn’t seem anything worthwhile to stick around for,
The embrace of the dark,
Would probably be better than no embrace at all,
I grow to despise this loneliness,
It’s funny I say that,
Because the person responsible for gradually pushing everyone away,
It was me,

Choosing to bottle away how I felt,
I wouldn’t respond to the texts,
Nor would I grab hold of helping hands,
Not that I didn’t want to,
But something kept pulling me back,
An insidious voice,
It whispered,
I was nothing but a loner,
Helpless and weak,
All I am to others is a bother,
Not at first,
But I don’t know when,
Or how,
That voice started to make sense,
It persuaded me to seal myself off,
And here I am,
I shrugged off people’s concerns,
With a deceitful smile that was seemingly convincing,
And unwittingly distanced them from me,

The cold winds outside,
Find a way in,
Infiltrating my room,
And numbing my soul,
At the expense of sounding like a whiner,
Living the way I am,
It makes me sick,
Made me envious of all the happy faces I keep seeing,
Everyone always seem to be having a good time,
Except me, that is,
And my self-pity blinded me,
My resentment for myself,
Disguised itself as foolish pride,
And I grew more detached,

Only an indifference is what I now feel,
When there’s nothing to look forward to,
You find that even waking up in the mornings seems like an insurmountable task,
And while trapped in between these four walls,
I’m always so caught up in my own head,
That, even though I’ve barely moved a muscle,
It still always leaves me drained,
And so tired,
Rendering me a recluse,
And coming a full circle,
I remain confined within my own house,
That very house I despise,

Being stoic has gotten me nowhere,
And with each passing day,
The realisation grows stronger and more intense,
I’ve belittled my own feelings for long enough,
Contrary to what I believed in the past,
There’s only so far I can go by myself,
I don’t want to be a burden on you,
But I really do need help,
An outlet for all these repressed emotions I don’t know what to do with,
Please help me,
Even if I sound weak,
Maybe confiding in you,
And being vulnerable,
Is a price I need to pay,
To alleviate this eternal loneliness,
That has always consumed me,
If I could just start over,
Undo the past,
And unlearn how to stifle myself,
If this plea is answered,
Maybe then I’d finally be liberated from my own mind.

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