Her

A mirage in the distance,
She comes to me every night,
That image of hers I carry with me,
No matter how much it hurt me,
I will still hold on to it dearly,
Even if what they say is true,
And letting it go would be sanity,
I will still persist,
Without any expectations of my love ever being reciprocated,
Because that’s not what’s important,
Maybe I am just a fading memory to her,
Vanishing a bit more with each passing day,
Erased and being replaced by someone else,

The feelings I’ve associated with her,
They won’t let me forget,
Not when I open my eyes each morning,
Nor when I close them every night,
I’m not sure if she remembers,
I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t,
When we were young,
The way she teased me,
Ruffled my hair,
And we laughed together,
Those little moments I’ve relived in my head a million times already,
Our last conversation still remains incomplete,
But maybe that’s what I like best about us,
That we haven’t yet bid each other goodbye,
And that’s satisfying in a way,

How is it that,
Even though nothing ever happened between us,
I still look back on us,
More fondly than I do,
With people who knew me on a more intimate level,
It’s a sweet sort of sorrow,
Reminiscing about her,
And our school days,
Despite my initial naive denials,
I’d already associated her with love,
And haven’t since been able to outgrow that belief,
Though she doesn’t know,
And she never will know,
I’m just as scared now,
As I was back then,
To tell her just how much she means to me,
And how much I like her,

I couldn’t back then,
Because of just how perfect she seemed,
That not even in my wildest fantasy,
Could I see us come to fruition,
It used to take everything I had,
Just to be able to talk to her,
And while I don’t hesitate on making a move on most,
But I found myself frozen stiff when it came to her,
Did I miss a chance?
Would I feel much lighter then?
These questions seem pointless now,

Now that we’ve grown apart,
Not that we were ever together,
The time that separated us,
It probably did me a favour,
The last memory I have of her,
Was her waving me from a distance,
It’s quite fitting,
I think it would be easier to look over her from far away,
It’s not obsession,
Honestly,
I don’t really know what it is myself,
But even as years rolled by,
I never really could stop loving her,
Much as I tried to fight it,
Something always drew me right back to her,
I couldn’t stop thinking about her,
And dreamt about her more times than I am comfortable admitting.

Now that I’ve finally stopped lying to myself,
My mind became clear,
And on introspection,
I’ve realised I don’t desire her,
As much as I want to see her happy,
Because that’s what she deserves to be,
And I can’t be possessive,
Over something that was never mine to begin with,

But,
If this is what’s destined,
I’ll silently support her from a distance,
Without being a burden,
I can’t help it,
And she doesn’t need to know but,
I’ll always love her,
A strange and inexplicable version of it,
There is a certain beauty even in unrequited love,
And that’s what our relationship will always be.
From her perspective,
I only see myself as a bother,
Though it took me sometime to realise this,
But it’s painfully obvious I’m not the best person for her,
And even if she were to accept me,
I have a feeling I wouldn’t be close to what she deserves,
I wouldn’t want her to just compromise solely for love,
So, I’ve already made my peace with it.
And every time I think about her now,
No matter how much I love her,
And will continue to do so,
The realization grows clearer by the day,
That sometimes,
Love just isn’t enough.

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